Aramark plans to add healthy lifestyle options for students

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As Aramark announces its new 10-year contract as the food provider for Capital University, the management team has also launched its plans to increase the quality of the food on campus and provide healthier options for students.

“We want to provide the best quality meals as possible for the students,” Alex Smickle, a campus representative for Aramark, said. “In order to do this, we have to make some changes to our current system. Based upon previous student feedback, however, we know that you are ready for a change, and we’re happy to finally provide it.”

As part of their initiative to improve campus dining, the food provider has created a five-step plan that will go into effect during the 2017 fall semester.

Step one: Provide a three-hour nutrition class for students in order to help them learn how to make healthy choices.

When this ultimately fails, as Aramark already knows that Capital students pay little attention in classes, they plan to remove all unhealthy options from the menu. This will include the ever-popular and mostly edible pizza station.

Step two: Remove all Capbucks options from Main Street restaurants.

According to Aramark, there is truly no way to ensure that students are purchasing healthy food at these restaurants.

Step three: Increase the cost of meal plans by 500 percent.

By increasing the price of the meal plans, Aramark will be able to afford to provide better food options to students. As the company is a small, local food provider, they struggle with the cost of providing food to a campus as large as Capital, so this step may be the most beneficial for student health.

Step four: Add mold to all of the meal options.

Not only does the increased fungus add an extra vegetable to every meal, some of the mold will eventually become penicillin, adding another layer of health to each student’s meal. (Note: Those allergic to penicillin should skip directly to step five.)

Step five: Make use of the new Mezz Fitness Center by requiring all students to exercise for thirty minutes before being able to use meal swipes at the Capital Court.

If students do not swipe into the Mezz thirty minutes before trying to eat at the Capital Court, their card will not be accepted. This will greatly increase the activity level of all students on campus.

Among the choices on the new menu will be kohlrabi, ambrosia salad, rocky mountain oysters, and kelp. The pergola in the center of Capital Court will continue to produce hydroponic lettuce, but the new and improved salad station will also include kale and whatever greens can be picked from Schaaf lawn for the day.

To accommodate students who are gluten free, lactose intolerant, vegan, or have any other food allergy, a wonderful vegetable broth soup will be available daily for each meal.

As Aramark begins to implement these changes, they will be readily accepting student reactions on the process.

To submit a complaint or feedback, Aramark requests that students fill out the survey on the Aramark website (capital.campusdish.com), slide handwritten notes under the door of their office on the second floor of the Student Union, or leave messages written in ketchup on the tables in Capital Court.

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