New fraternity Delta Apple Pie seeks members

Satire

Spring is upon us, and with the sunshine and tulips also comes spring recruitment for fraternities and sororities.

Last spring, a new fraternity called Delta Apple Pie had its first ever recruitment. Unlike the other social, professional or service fraternities and sororities, Delta Apple Pie is a cuisine-based organization. Capital is the only university in all of America with a group like this, and the fraternity’s first members are extremely proud of that.

Inductions are extremely important to Delta Apple Pie. They are a beast unlike any other and require endurance, skill and a good flaky crust; that’s right, each pledge is tasked with baking the best pie they can.

Only 10 people are chosen from each group to receive a bid. In a “Chopped” style competition, prospective members have to make it through two different culinary challenges before making their specialty pie in the final round.

The judging panel this semester is hardcore. They won’t tolerate soggy crusts, mushy fruits or even worse: runny filling. The panel consists of the Delta Apple Pie president, the vice president, a local artesian baker and a lucky current fraternity member who is just hungry enough to eat a lot of pie.

Last year’s overall winner won with the “most mouthwatering combination of pie fillings ever,” according to the judging panel. It was a single-crust peach pie, and by the pure genius detective work from some of the Funion staff, we have the exact recipe for you to make at home.

¾ cup white sugar
2 tablespoons butter, softened
1/3 cup all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon ground nutmeg
6 fresh peaches – pitted, skinned, sliced
1 pie crust
– Cream sugar and butter or margarine together. Add flour and nutmeg; mix until mealy. Spread 1/2 of mixture in pie crust. Arrange peaches on top of crumb mixture. Sprinkle remaining crumb mixture on top of peaches.
-Bake at 450 degrees F (230 degrees C) for ten minutes. Reduce heat to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Continue baking for 40 minutes, or until brown.

Another special feature of the fraternity is that their Founder’s Day is March 14. Although some may laugh thinking that Delta Apple Pie celebrates their organization’s founding on Pi day, it is a very serious day in the group’s history. The fraternity members all take the day’s celebration very seriously.

The day begins with a few breakfast pies (yes, they exist, and no, they aren’t technically a quiche). All members are required to dress up like different types of pie, and around lunch time they all participate in a pie-eating contest. The victor receives an extravagant prize of not having to pay his dues for the next term.

If you want the chance to showoff your extraordinary pie-baking skills, make sure to sign up for recruitment and start working on that marvelous pie recipe to be part of Delta Apple Pie!

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