Nudist colony bares its way into the Commons

Satire

A nudist colony was officially unveiled Friday in Commons 569.

The colony, named Studiously Streaking, was founded with the intent of providing students with a safe space for optional clothing.

President and founder Nick Edd, a junior accounting major, said, “When I came to Capital, there wasn’t anything here for students who were interested in living a natural lifestyle. With Studiously Streaking, students now have a place to explore and express themselves as nature intended us to.”

At the revealing, nudists from the community came out to show support for Capital’s first on-campus nudist organization along with representatives from the local chapter of the American Association for Nudist Exploration.

“We are very excited to see the next generation of nudists showing some skin and taking some risks,” Bertha DeSoot, the Columbus chapter president of the AANE, said. “We’re hoping that the actions taken here today by Nick Edd and his group will help inspire students at other schools like Ohio State and Otterbein and help them realize there’s nothing wrong with stripping down to the basics.”

The colony, which is accepting of any and all students, will remain in its designated Commons throughout the school year.

Edd said that after several rounds of negotiations, the Office of Residential and Commuter Life has agreed to make Studiously Streaking open for students to request residence in for this year’s upcoming housing selection.

“At first, they weren’t too keen on the idea of a bunch of college students living together buck-naked on campus,” Edd said. “They were afraid we’d scare away prospective students, anger our Bexley neighbors … all that jazz. But, they said as long as we agreed to keep it in the house we’d be good to go.”

John Geyser, the director of the Office of Residential and Commuter Life, said that ResLife will be charging students more for living with the colony.

“We’ve adjusted prices for persons interested in living with Studiously Streaking to accommodate the higher heating costs their Commons will accumulate during the winter,” Geyser said.

Edd speculates that the price increase is unnecessary as thousands of dollars will be saved in laundry alone.

Jody Funion, the provost and advisor to the colony, will be assisting in an open house next week in his yurt office to promote Studiously Streaking.

The event will be taking place from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday, April 1 on Schaaf Lawn. Undressed for the occasion, the Streakers will be handing out brochures about the colony and giving away free towels.

“Although I’m not a nudist, I think it’s important that students are aware that this is an option on campus,” Funion said. “They are naked, but there’s no reason to be afraid.”

University President Paula Bethany said that she is excited to see what the colony will bring to the #CapFam.

“Capital is welcoming of all students from all walks of life, and Studiously Streaking will only be adding another perspective to a rich narrative,” Bethany said. “I’m excited to see what this will do for the student body.”

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