*The following is a work of satire*
Long after the shoe’s decline in nation-wide popularity, Bobby Willips, junior, purchased a pair of Heelys.
Heelys are shoes with a wheel attached to the heel of each shoe which allow the wearer to roll on surfaces like a pair of roller skates. Despite their mobility, Heelys appear and act like a traditional pair of shoes.
“No one took me seriously when I said I wanted a pair,” said Willips. “My mom just laughed and told me to grow up. My girlfriend feared I would revert back to my high school skater phase.”
Because Willips’s residence on Sheridan Avenue is close to Livingston Avenue, he thought that owning a pair of Heelys could cut down his transportation time.
“I get to campus in four minutes. That is so much faster than the six it takes everyone else,” said Willips. “I’ve only fallen in the mud twice. You tell me if I made the right choice.”
Although Willips originally purchased the shoes to save time, he has noticed other benefits.
“I’m a vocal music education major. Like many other students, my life is stressful. Sometimes when I need a break, I just Heely around campus. I’ve made a lot of friends through Heelying,” said Willips. “I’ve been trying to contact ‘Crisp’ and show him the benefits of the shoes. Heelying really calms my nerves and makes me feel cool.”
When asked about his Heelys, Willips’ girlfriend, Autumn Phlusher, said, “[Bobby] is still the boy I fell in love with, and he actually can tend to my every need much faster when he Heelys. Luckily, he doesn’t hang out with the gang of kids on the razor scooters.”
The general education committee is interested and is looking into requiring first-year students to purchase Heelys in their first-year seminar classes to help transition to college.
Willips purchased the pair on Amazon for just over $50. There is no indication that that fee could be added to the students’ e-bills.
Admissions believes being a “Heely Campus” could help Capital University stick out to prospective students and recruit a whole new demographic who would have the resources to effectively handle their stress.
Those interested in learning more about Heelying can look out for the boy getting to class before everyone else.
