by Marisa Pesa
We are all guilty of being addicted to something, whether it is cigarettes, social media, or bread products. TLC’s “My Strange Addiction” showed us all that we coexist in a world with people who can’t go an hour without snacking on some sand, sucking on dirty diapers, or fondling their inflatable family members. I have not yet stumbled upon anyone butt chugging caffeine at Capital, but who knows, this coffee enema fiend could be jittering a seat over from me in ENGL 211.
Peruse some not-yet-senile addictions or rituals students here at Cap were willing to share:
“Whenever I’m really stressed out about a test, I start to pull my eyebrows out. One by one. But my psych professor told me I don’t have Trichotillomania (the hair-pulling-out disorder) because my brows are still intact.” – Elise Colley, sophomore
“When I’m going to sleep, I have to pee while I brush my teeth. Otherwise, I’ll stay up wide awake waiting for my bladder to become plump with piss.”
– Anonymous (The Urinator)
“I’m addicted to the Chimichangas they sometimes serve at lunch (literally), sometimes I could totally skip lunch and be fine eating in my room…but on more than five occasions I’ve gone up and used a meal swipe anyways, just to check for the Chimichangas. THEY NEED TO MAKE THEM REGULAR. I’M JONESIN’.”
– Sam Morgan, freshman
“I wasn’t addicted to methamphetamine until I got here. Now my life is plummeting into a deep dark abyss…That and the breadsticks at the Mezz.” – Evan Kieffer, junior
“Well when I eat a candy bar, let’s say a Reese’s Cup for example, I eat all the chocolate off, roll the peanut butter into a ball and then eat it. Same with 3 Musketeer Bars or any other chocolate, really.” – Ember Ollom, senior
“I make sure I’m the last one to fall asleep in my quad so that I know they’re not watching me (or having sex).” – Anonymous (The Bold One)
“Every time my roommate is changing; I always try to snapchat him naked. I don’t know why. I just want everyone to catch a glimpse of some quality cheek.”
– Anonymous (Italian Stallion)
“Every time I walk by a dry-ease board, I write some kind of message. Sometimes I draw cats and dogs.” – Jordan Woods, junior
“Every time I scratch my balls, I have to smell my hands. Even if I’m in public, I’ll pretend to scratch my nose or something.” – Anonymous (Scratch n’ Sniff)
“Once a week, I have to walk to the bathroom naked. I make my roommate bring me a towel.” – Anonymous (Free-baller)
“Every time I sleep with a girl, I have to cut a little piece of her hair off to keep.”
– Anonymous (Snare em’ and Hair em’)
mpesa@capital.edu
