As Thanksgiving break approaches, students are confronting the fact that they need to return home for the holiday and speak with their families yet again.
This news doesn’t come lightly to those who averse to those awkward conversations that come with any extended family gathering – Thanksgiving being one of the most prominent of which.
the Chimes takes these concerns very seriously and is proud to present the top five ways you can avoid your family this Thanksgiving.
1. Just don’t go.
Quality family time is a dwindling tradition that more and more people are realizing is entirely fruitless. The act of sharing a meal with one another is something of the past. Nowadays, we have luxuries everywhere such as Zoom calls, shared Google Docs and Facebook; plenty of effective ways to avoid face-to-face confrontation.
Consider this: as one would call off of work by faking an illness, the same could be done to parents asking college students to come home for Thanksgiving.
2. Be an animal lover
the Chimes understands not everyone can just call off such long-standing traditions, and we are prepared to provide more practical solutions to avoiding loved ones.
No one is going to ridicule you for loving and giving attention to the family dog or cat; that’s ridiculous. This can be taken advantage of.
Talking to any kind of family pet is infinitely easier than conversing with a human. Developing responses to barks and meows is much more practical than what a grumpy, politically charged grandpa might try to quiz you on.
3. “I’m full.”
This next strategy is one that is almost completely full-proof. Prior to Thanksgiving dinner, stopping at local fast-food joints such as Taco Bell or McDonald’s can provide a lot of food for very little money. Eating all of this food, then arriving at Thanksgiving “just too full to eat any more” is a quick and easy way to avoid interacting with anyone.
4. Lie and deceive
While this strategy may seem harmful, remember: the end goal of completely ignoring human interaction is vital and absolutely necessary for a productive Thanksgiving.
Ruining dinner is a great way to dissolve people’s appetites for conversation.
The most important thing for every Thanksgiving dinner is the main dish, whether that be turkey or ham, someone needs to prepare it. It would be very unfortunate if whoever promised to cook said dish were to “forget,” causing everyone to go home for the night.
5. Lie and deceive, again
If the prior method is too harsh, this one may be easier as it negates any and all human contact.
Bringing the Thanksgiving turkey is one thing; however, canceling Thanksgiving entirely would be the surest way to avoid family.
Hosting Thanksgiving dinner is a daunting task, such is the cancelling of it, but the reward is unmatched.
Texting family to plan the dinner reassures them of your compassion and attention, but if they arrived to find a dark, empty house, they’d have no choice but to head home for the night.
Simply leaving with no warning leaves very little opportunity for interaction to come about.
Ultimately,
Faking any kind of “want” to be with family during these troubling times is generally unfavorable. Be true to yourself, and either avoid it in its entirety or plot a scheme to ruin the whole night.
