The month of November has come to a close, which brings the citizens of the United States of America and the community at Capital University to forge on to the frontier of Don’t Shave December.
Last year, the Chimes rated people on their ability to grow facial, and in some cases… body hair. We got some really cool results, but honestly, no one truly wants to know how long an exact strand of hair has grown over a set period of time. Especially if they’re under someone’s nose, or under their arms, or on their… chiny-chin-chins!
No Shave November is a month-long event during which facial and body hair is grown out to raise awareness for prostate cancer. The event originated in the country down-unda’, Australia, under the name “Movember.” (A moustache in Australia is a mo, mate.)
It quickly took the hop, skip and jump across seas and landed right here on our home turf. Now, the once month-long event has turned into a year-long adventure in the growth of facial hair.
Many people don’t stop when the month is over, carrying it over to the following months of “Don’t Shave December”, “Man-uary”, and “Feb-u-hairy.”
This year, we decided to educate and humor by interviewing some students who participated in the month-long event. Sorry, ladies. We aren’t gender-specific here at the Chimes, but when it came to this, we went exclusively male. I’m sure you understand our reasoning.
Our contenders:
Alex “I put the Bro in” Broshious, Senior
Byron “The Man” Mitchell, Junior
Ben “The Hammer” Ferree, Senior
Have you been hairy your entire life?
AB: I had a full beard by the time I was in 7th grade…
BM: I have not been. Womp.
BF: Nope. But I have always had a pretty large afro that eventually grew like a fungus and took over my entire body
Are you the only member of your family to be this hairy?
AB: Sadly, no. My brother was known as Sasquatch throughout his high school career. If that tells you anything. Kids went easy on me and called me Chewbacca.
BM: Actually, no. My dad is one hairy guy.
BF: One of my uncles in an incredibly hairy man, so I probably get it from that side of the family.
Why are you so hairy!?
AB: I assume genetics, but it also could be because of the fact that I am so manly that hair has to sprout to keep up.
BM: Genetics. Actually, it’s because I’m so manly.
BF: It’s simple. God created beautiful people, the rest he covered in hair.
If you could pick one thing to hide in the depths of your facial hair forever, what would it be?
AB: A flare gun… I can only assume that eventually it would be extremely useful.
BM: MONEY. And lots of it.
BF: A bear trap! So that if I ever was punched in the face, it would look like my beard was the most manliest thing ever.
What’s your favorite part of facial hair?
AB: The ladies love it…. Am I right? Am I right, ladies?
BM: My sideburns/ Mutton Chops. They’re sexy and I know it.
BF: It keeps me warm in the winter. Burrr.
What are your plans for you, as well as your facial hair?
AB: I have this idea for a buddy cop show called “Alex and the Fuzz.” It’s supposed to be really funny. People are working on it at NBC right now…
BM: It’ll grow until it’s touching the floor.
BF: See ya, beard! It’s going out just like November.
