Well, it’s that time of year. Thanksgiving is over, and now it’s onto the winter holiday season and going home on break to see family and relax…
Wait. First comes that awkward moment when you remember that you have lots and lots of papers and exams and projects due before the end of the semester. I know, you’re probably stressed, freaking out, having a fit, and just overall an emotional wreck from the high stress of the end of the semester. And those professors!
They all decided to have the end of their semester happen at the same time as the other professors – that means they all diabolically plotted together to purposely assign final papers and exams at the same time…it’s all a conspiracy…not really a conspiracy, that’s just how college life goes. But have no fear. I have used proven scientific studies to come up with a list of how to survive finals week at Capital University.
Step 1. Get Focused – Find a goal. Not long-term goals such as graduate, get married, have a family – FOCUS. Don’t daydream about your future. Make your goal finishing the semester, passing the exam, or getting an A on the final paper.
Step 2. Don’t waste your time. This means not playing hours of Call of Duty, or Skyrim, or watching lots of TV or whatever else the cool kids do these days. The games may be fun, the shows may be great, but so is passing your classes. Just give up the video games and TV shows for a couple weeks until you’re on break. Then go crazy!
This also means not going on Facebook to post a rant about how studying sucks, and then staying on there for hours. Just imagine how much you want to post your final grades and GPA for the last semester on Facebook…just think about how much better it will be when you pass everything. You may even want to deactivate it until the end of the semester. But keep your twitter. You never know when a professor may use Tweetsbyanon to anonymously tweet the answers of the final for their class! I mean, it can’t all be petty abusiveness on there can it? Well, maybe it can…As a matter of fact, stay off twitter.
Step 3.Schedule. Yes I know, you have to work and sleep, and all of those mean professors gave you assignments all at the same time. The
universe mocks your attempt to live. The powers that be laugh at your expense! Everyone is in a similar situation right about now. Just make a schedule of what needs to be done, and when it needs to be done. It’s not that hard. Just sit down, and make a schedule. The hard part is going through with the schedule and actually doing things on time. It’s not impossible. It will keep your mind focused on the task at hand, and you will get stuff done.
Step 4. Visit your professors. Yes, you read that correctly. Those mean people that conspired against you for two weeks…go talk to them. Go say hi. Your professors are experts in their fields. They’re the smartest minds at Capital University. You pay a lot of money to attend their class…or skip it…or sleep through it…anyway, talk to your professors. They are the ones that grade your final papers and write your final exams.
Ask them questions. Show them your study guides, or your final papers and ask them what they think. They are in a sense – the God of their class. They decide if you pass or fail. Talking to them wouldn’t hurt would it? It gives you the wonderful opportunity to either beg for mercy and be spared an F, or to show them how much you respect what they do, and how much you respect the class and material. Either way, it’s time well spent.
Step 5. Realize that this isn’t permanent. This situation is only for two weeks. This won’t be forever. Just get what you need to get finished – and finish it. Your life will go on. You will be happy again…in just two weeks!
Step 6. Utilize your resources. Number one – your brain. It got you into college, use it to get you done with college. Number two – all of the quizzes, papers, and mid term/exams from the classes you have. Use them to study for the final. Use the situation to beat the situation.
Step 7. Be good to yourself. Eat healthy, drink lots of water, sleep. By eating healthy you can give your brain the proper nutrients to keep your mind going, and your body working through this impossible period in your life. By drinking lots of water, you keep yourself well hydrated, especially with all of the coffee and energy drinks you’re undoubtedly drinking. Sleeping allows you to stay alert and lets your body chemistry balance itself out so that you’re not in quite as much of an imbalanced, highly stressful state. You should never sacrifice your health for a class. Your overall health will matter for a much longer time than one college class.
Step 8. Take small, meaningful breaks. While studying, it’s nice to take a 10-15 minute breather. Meditate, do deep breathing exercises, physically exercise to relieve stress. Heck, even tell a joke or do something to make yourself laugh to relieve stress. This reminds me of the time a neutron walked into a bar and asked the bartender how much the drinks cost – To which the bartender replied, “Well for you there’s no charge!”
Step 9. Don’t go out and party the night before an exam. This shouldn’t need explanation, but exhausting yourself at a club, possibly in an intoxicated state in order to “relax before finals” probably isn’t the smartest idea you’ve ever had. Imagine taking that hard Chemistry/Calculus/Writing exam hungover and tired…yeah, scary thought.
Step 10. Study smart, cram smart. Everyone always tells you “DON’T CRAM! It’s bad!” Let’s be real, we’re college students, telling a college student not to cram is like telling water not to be wet. But – study often, and effectively before the exam, so that when you do cram, it can be seen as a sort of review rather than the main bulk of your studying.
By following these tips, your finals week should be survivable. However, if these steps fail, there are three fail safes. The Chimes staff has to warn you, though, 5 out of 3 doctors do not recommend these methods.
Failsafe 1. – Hypnosis – just get your roommate to hypnotize you and teach you all the answers while you’re in a trace. This only works if your roommate is a licensed hypnotherapist.
Failsafe 2. – Drink a potion – Just steal a test-passing potion from Professor Snape…if you get caught, it will probably be treated like cheating or plagiarism and might result in failing the course anyway. And the fact that they don’t exist makes this a hard failsafe to do.
Failsafe 3. – Just do it live. Yes, if it gets to the point where it’s all or nothing, throw your arms in the air and scream “I’LL DO IT LIVE!!!”
