Every freshman at Capital comes into student housing with a level of apprehension. Roommate horror stories are a dime a dozen among many upperclassmen who have had their share of incidents: roommates having noisy sex on the bunk above them or almost burning the hall down by smoking in the room.
Some get lucky and are paired with their best friends, but for others, their roommate pairings don’t end up the best.
For those that may have a harder time with their roommates, the resident assistants (RAs) all have a few helpful tips on how to transition into living with another person.
Matthew Vatalare, who is now on his second year as an RA in Lohman stresses communication.
“You need to communicate and be able to give in on both sides,” Vatalare said. “Both roommates need to know that they need to give in a little bit to reach an agreement or a compromise.”
Ultimately the word is “communication.” Communication (or a lack thereof) lies at the heart of almost all roommate squabbles. Almost any situation, regardless of the type of person or the situation, can be resolved through basic forms of communication. Vatalare offers the following example: “I talk to you, and describe my side of the story. After I am done I give you the ability to respond.”
Key to communication in the first few weeks of moving to Capital is a signed roommate agreement. Aimee Connelly, a sophomore RA in Schaaf hall implemented a roommate agreement form in her hallways, similar to the numerous other contracts available in halls around campus.
“[I] asked them to sit down and really discuss all of the [issues] that I had listed on there,” Connelly said. “They then carefully wrote out what would bother them and how they were going to take care of things such as cleaning or visitors or other common problems.”
According to Connelly, what it looks like on the surface, isn’t always what’s really at play:
“Sometimes it’s one main thing that is covering up a ton of other nitty gritty things. For instance, sometimes people are mad at the other person because they don’t believe their roommate is using their own shampoo which may lead into bigger issues.”
If there is a problem, “Make sure that your roommate is aware that there is a conflict, and then notify your RA,” Connelly continued. “Your RA can easily set up a meeting time between the two of you, and then sit down and try to find the real root of the problem.”
Junior RA, Eric Smith, also implemented roommate agreements and believes in their importance to resolve conflicts.
“The agreements solidify things,” Smith said. “They help when you do come up with a conflict so that both the RAs and the residents have something to go back to, to see what was agreed upon.”
Smith claims that immediate communication when an issue comes up is essential in living with another person.
“If you just beat around the bush and bottle it up, it’ll explode one day, and that never ends well.”
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Roommate Agreements:
Issues to Consider
1 – Study Habits: Do you like to study with the music blaring or tv on? Or, do you like the quiet while trying to concentrate on your assignments? Your roommate may have a very different idea of what environment is considered tolerable to study in, so lay the ground rules right away.
2 – Visitors: Before you bring your friends or significant other back to the room, make sure that it is okay with your roommate. Nothing is more awkward than you trying to study while your roommate is having an intense make-out session with their boyfriend or girlfriend, or trying to have a conversation on Skype while 17 of your roommate’s closest friends are screaming in the background.
3 – Personal Space: Designate areas of the room that are set aside for each of you. Figure out how you both can share the mirror space in the middle.
4 – Hygiene: Do everyone a favor and shower regularly, and make sure to point out to your roommate if his of her odor becomes unbearable.
5 – Cleanliness: Maybe it was okay to be a slob in high school, but once you start living with someone else it becomes essential to keep things tidy. It strengthens the roommate relationship and also makes the residence hall more bearable to live in.
6 – Sleeping: If one roommate is a night owl, and the other is an early riser, a compromise must be made or else both wake up the next morning incredibly cranky.
abutts@capital.edu
