Horoscopes, March 28-April 4
Aries | March 21 to April 19 Someone unexpected (probably Tank Top Guy) is going to ask you on a date this week. Be mindful …
Category: Satire
University ROTC commissioned as first-ever Space Force
The President of the United States first announced the idea of establishing the United States Space Force (USSF) back in June of last year. Ideally, …
Student offended by campus-famous dog’s butt
More and more of Capital University is becoming aware of the semi-famous “window doggo” that lives on the first floor of Cotterman Hall; however, one …
“The Capital Colosseum Combat” creates opportunity for new mascot
There are likely no students or faculty who haven’t heard of the conflict over the mascot change. There’s been much debate and little action to …
Cross country learns to toughen up and fight
The upcoming cross country season will undoubtedly be an important one in the history of the program, as radical changes are underway. This season, head …
The Chimes moves to printing on toilet paper due to budget cuts
Due to budget cuts and a push by the university to be more environmentally friendly, the Chimes will begin printing on toilet paper starting next …