Provost reveals magical head-rubbing quality
Provost Jody Funion has been hiding something from the Capital community. Although his trademark bald head is well-known on campus, few students are aware of …
Category: Satire
The Chimes is transitioning to fraternal organization
To climb the social ladder here at Capital, the Chimes has decided to transition into a fraternal organization. From now on, the Chimes will be …
Horoscopes, March 28-April 4
Aries | March 21 to April 19 Someone unexpected (probably Tank Top Guy) is going to ask you on a date this week. Be mindful …
University ROTC commissioned as first-ever Space Force
The President of the United States first announced the idea of establishing the United States Space Force (USSF) back in June of last year. Ideally, …
Student offended by campus-famous dog’s butt
More and more of Capital University is becoming aware of the semi-famous “window doggo” that lives on the first floor of Cotterman Hall; however, one …
“The Capital Colosseum Combat” creates opportunity for new mascot
There are likely no students or faculty who haven’t heard of the conflict over the mascot change. There’s been much debate and little action to …