Old Cosi building to be turned into strip club
On Aug. 15, 2017, the derelict Cosi building on Main Street will become the new home of Bexley’s very first strip club: The Ball Pit. …
Category: Satire
Stressed student ‘Heelys’ to escape his ‘feelies’
*The following is a work of satire* Long after the shoe’s decline in nation-wide popularity, Bobby Willips, junior, purchased a pair of Heelys. Heelys are …
Professor Marvin Saucerman plans for self-sufficient campus
*The following is a work of satire* Yesterday, adjunct history professor Marvin Saucerman held a Yochum press conference to announce his plan to turn Capital …
Student says ‘Capital is the bomb,’ is misunderstood
*The following is a work of satire* On Sunday, students were awoken by a Capital (Cap) Alert System message that simply read, “CapAlert: Bomb!” Initially many …
Wiltbrunner to chair new women’s studies department
*The following is a work of satire* Following the announcement of Capital’s first female president, a brand-new women’s studies department was introduced to campus Monday. …
Rugby captain talks Division III sports, tribulations
*The following is a work of satire* “A sport isn’t a sport without competition, and DIII athletes are dealt the toughest hand,” said Dick Brognan, …