Capital introduces white cultural studies, classes to begin next fall
*The following is a work of satire* In an effort to provide balance, the university plans to introduce a new white cultural studies department, with …
Category: Satire
Newly elected university president rides the Drunk Bus
*The following is a work of satire* This past February, Bethany Stahl was elected the 16th president of Capital University. Attempting to get to know …
Capital razes library to build new parking lot
*The following is a work of satire* During the summer break, Blackmore Library will be demolished to make way for a new parking lot. In …
Microwaving Popcorn 101 set to be new addition to First Year Seminars
*The following is a work of satire* Residents of Lohman can expect to sleep more soundly in the semesters to come as Capital has decided …
Things I will miss about Capital
Agonizing over the toilet, wondering whether or not Parkhurst puts laxatives in the food Accumulating $109,000 in student loans Racist/homophobic/anti-woman/nihilistic tweets and yaks Taking PoliSci …
Students who don’t read The Chimes hate The Chimes
*The following is a work of satire.* The Chimes sucks. That is the opinion of at least one third of the participating students in a …