University ROTC commissioned as first-ever Space Force

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The President of the United States first announced the idea of establishing the United States Space Force (USSF) back in June of last year. Ideally, the USSF would protect America and its intergalactic affairs.

The kicker? Capital’s ROTC has been commissioned as the first-ever USSF.

“The students are excited,” Officer Frank Jones said. “This is a really good opportunity for them, getting experience and stuff.”

At first, the USSF duties will be simple. The ROTC members will spend the summer doing basic space training, which will include learning how to use spacecraft toilets, how to moonwalk, and how to make those weird meals astronauts eat.

When the semester starts back up again in the fall, the students will take a 2 credit hour class in extraterrestrial combat.

“The class will mostly be watching and studying the Alien movies and playing Galaga,” Officer Jones said. “Later in the semester, the students will be practicing combat out on the lawns in a Thunderdome-esque fashion.”

Jones said that ROTC will be selling tickets to see the combat practices in order to help pay for space suits for the students. Tickets will be $5 with a Capital ID.

Throughout the semester, the students will also spend weekends participating in team building activities, doing mock trials, and getting spacecraft lessons. They will also take bi-monthly trips to COSI in order to get some real-world experience under their belts.

“It’s really exciting, we’re gonna get so much clout,” junior Tim Schmidt said. He continued by mentioning how thrilled he was to go to space and see if aliens are real.

One student, McKynzleigh Reid, is just really excited to go to the moon.

“I wanna see if humans have actually landed there, or if we’re gonna be the first ones,” she said, addressing the widely known conspiracy theory. “Like, is there even a flag? Did Neil Armstrong really leave a footprint? Seems fake, if you ask me.”

Although excited to debunk (or maybe prove) the conspiracy theory, Reid is worried that the lizard people are going to get her.

“I’m not necessarily saying there are lizard people, or that if there were they’d be from space,” she said. “But, if I die, you know why.”

ROTC members will leave for their first mission in January 2020, and will be gone floating through space until late April.

“I won’t be going with them, no,” Jones said. “I mean, come on, this is insane. A space force? I didn’t even know it was real until they told me my students were chosen.”

“This is a really iconic moment for our university,” Paula Bethany, university president, said. “Capital students are amazing in so many ways, and being commissioned as the first-ever space force is truly just wonderful.”

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