illustration by Jaime Pardo
Sexual arousal is not ambiguous.
It is the tangible, physiological response to external stimuli in which the body prepares itself for sexual intercourse. If you have ever watched “Titanic” without your parents, then you probably know what I am talking about here. Being turned on is a part of life, and unless you are some jungle creature with literally no standards, you have zero control over what turns you on or off. Either big hairy dudes sexually arouse you, or they don’t–it isn’t much of a matter of choosing, but more so a fact of life.
Because sexual arousal is concrete, it is easy to forget that sexual orientation is not. Having two, and only two, sexual identities neatly compartmentalizes society’s normative perception of sexuality–either you are gay or you are straight, with no wiggle room in between. For many students, this generalization can be frustrating.
“My mother tells me she would understand better if I was completely gay,” said excercise science major Sarah Nist, 21. “She is still under the impression that I am just confused or experimenting and will come out as gay or straight at a later time.”
“Often, I have gotten a lot of the ‘bisexuality is just a phase’ speeches,” said music technology major Wade Blair II, 21. “They would say things like, ‘You’re either gay or you’re not. You can’t swing both ways.’”
These inclinations about their sexuality is patronizing because they are essentially being told that their feelings are fictional.
“Bisexuality is still seen as a transitional phase from straight to gay,” said english literature and creative writing major Abigail Goodhart, 20. “Some people see my sexuality as a request for their opinions, like the jury’s still out.”
Goodhart says she has received flack from both homosexual and heterosexual parties for her sexual orientation.
“I think a lot of gay men and lesbians are frustrated with bisexuals because we can ‘pretend to be normal’ in straight relationships,” said Goodhart.
Of course, all three of these students have also received praise for coming out as bisexual from straights and gays alike. But, for those who cannot grasp the idea of bisexuality, it might be easier to think of sexual orientation as a spectrum rather than a binary.
“Sexuality is a spectrum; there’s no denying that,” said Goodhart. “Rejecting the spectrum would not only require me to deny my experiences and feelings, but it also denies the feelings and experiences of people who identify as asexual or pansexual, as well.”
“I have yet to meet someone that can’t say they don’t think someone of the same sex is attractive,” said Blair, “so there’s no way, in my eyes, that there is such a thing as completely straight [or completely gay].”
Science is continuing to develop ways to back this up.
“Males do not represent two discrete populations, heterosexual and homosexual,” American biologist Alfred Kinsey notoriously said. “The world is not to be divided into sheep and goats. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories… The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects.”
Kinsey developed a method in 1948 which attempted to place a person’s sexual identity on a scale from 0 to 6, where 6 leans the most towards homosexuality and X represents asexuality. Though primitive, Kinsey’s scale certainly expanded our understanding of sexuality and led the way for other studies that include spectra such as biological sex and gender identity, which are separate from sexual orientation.
“There are definitely people who are exclusively gay and exclusively straight,” said Goodhart, “but there are so many people who are in-between the two sexualities, as well.”
Aside from being treated as mythological, bisexuals are also labeled as hypersexual horn-dogs.
“Many people still have the misconception that bisexuality is a term that describes people that like to have a lot of sex,” said Nist.
Writer Woody Allen puts it quite crudely that “bisexuals have twice the chance of finding a date on Saturday night.” This has become sort of a running joke at the expense of bisexuals, who not only find it hard to associate with the other sexual parties but that they are aroused by everyone, all of the time.
“The most common assumption is that people who are bisexual cannot commit to a relationship,” said Goodheart. “In reality, sexual orientation has nothing to do with one’s ability to be monogamous.”
Goodhart also revealed her disgust when she receives disingenuous acceptance from straight men that believe that she is the “key to her kinkiest dreams.” Not surprisingly, Goodhart’s bisexuality does not mean she wants a threesome with you, dude, or anyone, for that matter.
“Orientation does not determine the amount of sex you have,” said Nist, who recognizes that sexual appetite is different for everyone.
Growing into your sexual identity is a bizarre notion. Surely, we are born with it, but sometimes it comes out at different times than others.
“I remember, when I was five, always asking my mother why girls couldn’t marry girls or why boys couldn’t marry boys,” said Nist. “This was no more than a question that I asked until about sixth grade when I started to have crushes on both sexes.”
“I acknowledged my sexuality a lot later than most people. I was raised Catholic, which meant that sex wasn’t morally acceptable until marriage, so all of my sexual thoughts, both gay and straight, were suppressed,” said Goodhart. “In high school, I removed myself from that environment, and I began embracing the attraction I have for men and women equally. Even though it was an oppressive environment, I don’t regret that I was raised Catholic, as there are aspects of the religion that have made me who I am today.”
Goodhart understands that humanity is far too abstract and random to place labels and to hold grudges.
“Human sexuality is too beautiful and intricate to put into two boxes neatly,” said Goodhart.
