*The following is a work of satire*
Interim dean of the conservatory of music, Carol Strawberry, announced this week that Chris Jamison will be the new tenure-track professor of voice.
After his tyrannous rise to fame on the TV singing competition, “The Voice,” Jamison was trying out his chances on nationwide success. After a while, he decided he wanted to go back to where it all started, Capital University.
“Capital is where I was given my first opportunity,” said Jamison. “After consulting my life coach, Adam Levine, I decided that I needed to come back and spend my life here.”
After being the interim dean for what seemed like 20 years, Strawberry is looking for any way to either be promoted or fired.
“Is the mailman a risk? Hell yeah he is, but the notoriety that he comes with is fantastic,” said Strawberry. “Did you know that his records were on the iTunes top 20 list? Take that Pavarotti.”
First-year student, Karl Melvin, said, “I have no idea who you’re talking about. What is the Chimes? Who is Craig Jamison?”
In response to concerns about his degree completion, Jamison said, “I have no intention of finishing my undergrad[uate degree]. What’s the point? I have the fame and a job.”
Jamison’s training is quite diverse. He has worked with famous pop singer, Adam Levine, and the C. U. R. E. (Capital University Rock Ensemble).
Despite his familiarity with pop music, Jamison said he is most excited to work alongside other faculty to teach classical music.
Along with private voice lessons, Jamison will be teaching music literature.
“Not even he can screw that one up. You could teach it citing Wikipedia,” said anonymous former music literature professor.
Although there is considerable risk in hiring him and doubts as to how he will perform, Jamison is most concerned if the university will hold more pizza parties for him on a weekly basis.
