New master plan utilizes campus as golf cart racetrack
If you’ve ever walked past Huber-Spielman and the conservatory, then chances are you’ve seen the multitude of golf carts that reside in that area of …
Category: Satire
Celebrities set resolutions for the new year
As the third and final holiday that completes the so-called “holiday season,” New Year’s Day is always looked forward to by the majority of civilization. …
BREAKING: Zombie outbreak reported on campus
The following is a work of fiction based on the zombie outbreak professional development event at Capital University. BREAKING: Last night, Wednesday, Sept. 27, a …
New species of bird found living on President Trump’s head
On Wednesday afternoon, the scientific world was rocked when a new species of bird was discovered in the unlikeliest of places: atop President Donald J. …
Provost welcomes students to new yurt
In an effort to be more accessible to students, recently appointed provost and vice president of learning Jody Funion announced that he will be relocating …
Aramark plans to add healthy lifestyle options for students
As Aramark announces its new 10-year contract as the food provider for Capital University, the management team has also launched its plans to increase the …