Students aren’t critical of the Chimes because they don’t read it
What do students really think about the Chimes? To get some constructive criticism, we interviewed students around campus, hoping to get as much input as …
Category: Satire
University president named new driver of the Drunk Bus
President Paula Bethany is set to become the new Drunk Bus driver in order to chaperone the students’ intoxicated Thursday night adventures and keep them …
Student government settles on drunk bus as new mascot
Student government has chosen the drunk bus as the university’s mascot after the death and consumption of Purpose the Porpoise at last year’s seafood barbeque. …
Research finds surprising reason behind Capital student’s mediocrity
While there are extraordinary students on campus, there are many more that are nothing special. Since this fact is not exactly promoted by the admissions …
New master plan utilizes campus as golf cart racetrack
If you’ve ever walked past Huber-Spielman and the conservatory, then chances are you’ve seen the multitude of golf carts that reside in that area of …
Celebrities set resolutions for the new year
As the third and final holiday that completes the so-called “holiday season,” New Year’s Day is always looked forward to by the majority of civilization. …