Student government settles on drunk bus as new mascot
Student government has chosen the drunk bus as the university’s mascot after the death and consumption of Purpose the Porpoise at last year’s seafood barbeque. …
Category: Satire
Research finds surprising reason behind Capital student’s mediocrity
While there are extraordinary students on campus, there are many more that are nothing special. Since this fact is not exactly promoted by the admissions …
New master plan utilizes campus as golf cart racetrack
If you’ve ever walked past Huber-Spielman and the conservatory, then chances are you’ve seen the multitude of golf carts that reside in that area of …
Celebrities set resolutions for the new year
As the third and final holiday that completes the so-called “holiday season,” New Year’s Day is always looked forward to by the majority of civilization. …
BREAKING: Zombie outbreak reported on campus
The following is a work of fiction based on the zombie outbreak professional development event at Capital University. BREAKING: Last night, Wednesday, Sept. 27, a …
New species of bird found living on President Trump’s head
On Wednesday afternoon, the scientific world was rocked when a new species of bird was discovered in the unlikeliest of places: atop President Donald J. …