Chimes office to be turned into aquarium for summer months

Satire

The Chimes office in the Convergent Media Center (CMC) will be converted to an aquarium for the summer months, in an attempt to get accepted students excited about coming here in the fall.

The office, which features a large window along one wall, will be home to many colorful fish and different types of coral, a welcome change compared to the drab conference table and chairs it presently holds.

“The office would just be empty and collecting dust over the summer,” said Barry Lamb, interim provost. “President Bethany and I thought it would be a great use of space, especially for orientations.”

The CMC has been a prime spot for tours since its opening in the fall of 2016.

“That hallway has always been a real downer on our tours,” said Hannah Franklin, junior who works in the admissions office. “The people who sit in the office always look so sad.”

Barry Lamb also disclosed to the Funion that the aquarium will be home to Purpose the porpoise at the request of President Paula Bethany.

“Dr. Lamb and I were having a conversation on purpose. I guess he misunderstood,” said President Bethany. “You know, a porpoise might actually make a good mascot.”

Students have already showed their support for this on campus aquarium, some even hoping that the office will remain that way permanently.

“I hope that President Bethany can see the benefits of have an aquarium on campus,” said George Smith, first-year. “It would provide something no other school has. Sure, we don’t have a pool, enough parking lots, or places for people to live, but we have an aquarium. Take that, Otterbein!”

Staff members of the Chimes aren’t as thrilled as the other students on campus.

“I wanted them to put a shark in there,” said April May June, staff reporter, “but, since they can’t do that, I guess I don’t want it.”

When asked what he thought of the change, President-in-Chief Luke Landerson said, “What are you asking me for? I’m graduating in a few weeks. I don’t care what you do with it.”

Preparations for the aquarium have already begun, with fish beginning to arrive as early as next week, and Purpose following the week after.

As for where the fish will go after the summer is over, Dr. Lamb said that they would be given to Aramark, who have promised to rehome them.

“We’re very excited to serve up some great fish during our new and improved Back 2 Cap Weekend fish fry,” said Alex Smickle, a campus representative for Aramark, “This year, with more porpoise!”

Mackenzie Clayton

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