June 23, 2024

‘Cocaine Bear’ drops the goods

I should’ve assumed that a movie about a bear doing cocaine and then going on a rampage was going to be bad. But, because you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, I gave this movie a chance. How naive of me.

In 1985, a drug smuggler named Andrew Thornton II drops a shipment of cocaine from his plane. While attempting to parachute out with a drug-filled duffle bag, he hits his head on the plane and subsequently falls to his death.

His body lands in Knoxville, Tennessee, where he is identified by a local detective, Bob Springs. He infers that the drugs had to have come from St. Louis, home of the drug kingpin Syd White. While Springs is trying to figure out where the missing brick of cocaine is located, a female black bear ingests it.

The cocaine in the bear’s system made her more aggressive than she normally would be, causing her to kill almost every character in the movie who had the unfortunate opportunity to cross her path.

The plot to this movie feels like it didn’t exist. Every character in this movie was either obsessed with having the cocaine in their possession or running from the coked out bear. I lost sight of the whole point of the movie, so much that I don’t think I could tell you what it was if you asked me.

This movie was a waste of time, money and energy. I think I genuinely lost brain cells as my poor eyes watched every frame of this ridiculous film.

Yes, this movie was based on a true story, but the movie deviated so far from what actually happened that it felt like a work of fiction. The bear that actually ingested the cocaine in 1985 died of an overdose after consuming almost 40 containers of cocaine. That bear never killed anyone and no one knows what actually happened before the bear’s body was found.

One positive thing I can say about the movie is that some parts of it were funny, but the rest of the movie was so stupid or too gruesome that I physically cringed while watching those scenes.

Elizabeth Banks, “Cocaine Bear” director, is most known for her role as Gale, the female announcer in the “Pitch Perfect” movies. Banks is a hilarious actress, but in my opinion, this movie is more of a stain on her record than a win.

The movie progression was good and the buildup to the final scene was intense, so at least they did one thing right. The end of the movie is sort of a feel-good ending. Without spoiling too much, I will say that there are survivors of the bear’s rampage.

By the end of the movie, it was clear that the characters I had become attached to and enjoyed seeing on my screen were going to survive, so I was content with the ending of this movie.

Overall, I genuinely don’t understand how this movie came to be, nor do I understand the rationale behind making a movie about a bear who did cocaine. This movie is not worth the money and I don’t recommend wasting an hour and 35 minutes of your time on this horrendous excuse for a Hollywood film.

Author

  • Sophie Makhoul

    Sophie is a junior History and Education major. In her free time, she likes to cuddle with her cat, read books and write new stories.

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