December 5, 2020

Opinion: Pumpkin spice isn’t worth the hype

Let us get something straight right off the bat, stuff that is pumpkin spice is different from the stuff that is actually made from pumpkin. 

Pumpkin spice is simply a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves. If you are looking at something that is actually made of pumpkin, it will more than likely not say that it is pumpkin spice.

I do not see the reason for the existence of pumpkin spice. If something is only good enough to be available for a certain time of the year, it is probably not good enough to be offered at all.

In recent years, the autumn trend of trying to make everything look, smell, and taste like a massive orange fruit has simply gone too far. 

There are items that humans cannot even eat that have been infected with the mixture of spices that actually have nothing to do with pumpkins at all. We are living in anarchy and these are the reasons for it.

First up is a collection of dog food. Yes, they make pumpkin spice dog food. Do dogs care what their food tastes like? From my experience no, no they absolutely do not. My corgi will eat literally anything he can get his paws on, including old sauerkraut (there was an incident).

one of the pumpkin spice kinds of dog food

So it stands to reason that this product indeed has no reason and is utterly pointless.

Second is pumpkin spice scented stuff, like candles and febreeze spray and the sort. I’m sorry but pumpkin spice does not smell particularly wondrous either. It does not smell bad, but why have your house or car smell like the compost section of an apple orchard when it could smell like Hawaii or Fresh Linen and Sky. 

And now we get to the actual food. The first offender is the coffee, regardless of what form it is in; K-cup, pure beans, or a Latte from Starbucks, there is no reason to infect coffee with this most basic disease. Again, it is not bad, but why would anyone bother getting their drink pumpkin spice flavored when it could be flavored like caramel, or chocolate, or just plain coffee. 

Speaking of coffee, the pumpkin spice flavored creamer is even worse, there is nothing wrong with simple half and half. Perhaps some French vanilla flavored creamer if you’re feeling adventurous. There is no need for oat based pumpkin spice coffee creamer.

However, the chaos does not end there, as they are also producing a version of the cinnamon swirl bread, (which in its normal state is actually quite exceptional) that is pumpkin spice as well. This is nothing short of an embarrassment to a national hero. 

Next, is the pumpkin spice flavored beer. This is how you know it has officially gone too far. Remember what happened to sriracha? It was awesome until the hipsters decided to turn it into a craft beer, but for some reason, everyone thinks it’s perfectly fine when they do it to pumpkin spice. It is not, I tell you.

Last and most definitely least is the flavored cream cheese. Cream cheese is repulsive enough in its normal state, it resembles a mixture of lard and Elmers glue and tastes about as appetizing. The only thing that could make it worse is throwing some trendy-for-the-sake-of-being-trendy pumpkin spice in there. 

A pumpkin spice cream cheese

Pumpkin spice overrated. End of opinion piece.

For those of you who dig the pumpkin spice, we’ve also got you covered.

  • Josh Conturo is a reporter for the Chimes and a sophomore studying emerging media with an emphasis on journalism, and loves all things related to cars, coffee, and comedy.

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