Student admits he doesn’t know what the word “clout” means
Sophomore political science major Dick Rastley announced Friday, March 19 that despite using the word “clout” in several essays, papers, conversations, and group chats over …
Category: Satire
Tank Top Guy, Vape God become campus staples
It’s no secret that we’ve had a cold winter this year. So cold, in fact, that it’s driven even the most resilient of individuals to …
Provost reveals magical head-rubbing quality
Provost Jody Funion has been hiding something from the Capital community. Although his trademark bald head is well-known on campus, few students are aware of …
The Chimes is transitioning to fraternal organization
To climb the social ladder here at Capital, the Chimes has decided to transition into a fraternal organization. From now on, the Chimes will be …
Horoscopes, March 28-April 4
Aries | March 21 to April 19 Someone unexpected (probably Tank Top Guy) is going to ask you on a date this week. Be mindful …
University ROTC commissioned as first-ever Space Force
The President of the United States first announced the idea of establishing the United States Space Force (USSF) back in June of last year. Ideally, …