Satire: ‘The Chimes’ cancels print forever
The Chimes has ceased running print editions until the end of time. Since a “stay-at-home” order has been enforced due to the spreading of COVID-19, …
Category: Satire
Satire: Anthony’s Pizzeria defends home turf in first Main St. Food Showdown
You know what they say about March: It tends to involve madness. Although this year there wasn’t an official March Madness bracket for all us …
Satire: Cappy to become new university president
It will soon be the start of a new era for Capital University. In a unanimous vote, the presidential search committee and the board of …
On-campus cults looking for new members for upcoming school year
College is a time for figuring yourself out, making friends, and fitting in with new groups of people. Here on campus, there are plenty of …
Student admits he doesn’t know what the word “clout” means
Sophomore political science major Dick Rastley announced Friday, March 19 that despite using the word “clout” in several essays, papers, conversations, and group chats over …
Tank Top Guy, Vape God become campus staples
It’s no secret that we’ve had a cold winter this year. So cold, in fact, that it’s driven even the most resilient of individuals to …