Satire: Students protest new major requirements
On Friday, March 24, 2023, Capital University sent an email to a portion of the students body stating that there will be new requirements for …
Category: Satire
Satire: MDR featured on ‘Kitchen Nightmares’
World-renowned celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay has been called in to film an episode of “Kitchen Nightmares” in the university’s Main Dining Room (MDR). Ramsay was …
Satire: Kim Jong Un speaks on spy balloons
Almost everyone who hasn’t been living under a rock has heard about the international Chinese spy balloon incident that took place at the end of …
Satire: University to pay adjuncts in Kohl’s Cash
After a long-awaited change, the university made an announcement on March 28 that will drastically improve the lives of adjuncts. “I really can’t believe it,” …
Satire: Underground secret society with ties to Capital University exposed
On Monday, March 21, an anonymous Capital University student revealed to the Chimes that a secret society meets in the abandoned tunnels under campus, with …
Satire: New zoo opens at Capital after Columbus Zoo fiasco
One of the main tourist attractions that Columbus offers is the world-famous zoo. Recently, some questionable decisions have resulted in the Columbus Zoo losing its …